38) "I don’t wanna be a gay reptile!"
(Well. He didn’t.)
52) "You're the wolf and I'm Brian. I had a sex change and you had a species change."
(Ummm . . . we were talking about a story. Really.)
78)"Hey, we never did have the wild passionate sex!"
"We figured we'd leave that to the two of them....and the sea otter . . ."
(There's just something fundamentally wrong with that . . .)
112) "Slingshot pig!"
(Well, you know that saying if pigs could fly ... never mind.)
117) "Does anyone know why my cat is sparkly?"
(Is she related to Hotohori?)
137) "Um, baby, I need to be able to breathe."
"No you don't."
"Why not?"
"Um, you have gills."
"Where?"
"I don't know."
"Up my ass?"
(Thingie?)
147) "When my hamsters did that, we found limbs afterwards."
(That is so wrong.)
196) "I'm not a fishie!"
(Want to know something funny? I have NO idea why I said that!!!)
197) "I hope you find a solution to your ravenous snails."
(Me too.)
205) "Just so you know, this may scar you for life."
"Fishies!"
"Glad to see you showing proper concern."
256) "Sounds like someone was having a little too much fun with sheep that night."
(Yikes.)
295) "Fuck you, and the horse you rode in on!"
"Yeah? Well, fuck you *with* the horse you rode in on!"
(New twist on that phrase.)
302) "And for your punishment - ten minutes with a live octopus in your pants!"
(That's just ... cruel and unusual.)
303) "Do not make a nest in my pants!"
(I'll just take a guess and assume she's talking about her cat. And if she's not, I don't want to know about it.)
310) "You know, there's just something about tentacles that screams, 'Not food! Not food!'"
(And again, ew.)
316) "Cow cow cow church cow."
(Country roads can be really boring.)
319) "Weaseling is a power that can be used for good."
(Like the Force?)
332) "Oh man, your cat is a biological weapon!"
342) "Next time we should go to the fish museum."
(*giggles* He meant aquarium.)
389) "You never know, she might have a fly up her butt."
420) "I know the temptation to bowl with the hamster is very great, but please refrain."
448) "Go squeeze my duck!"
(I'll ... get right on that.)
500) "We need to be zapped by the Care Bears and their fascistness."
(For more information, click here.)
521) "How are dancing and zoos related?"
"People dance at zoos."
524)"We probably shouldn't reward him for molesting the Bible, but whatever works!"
(More adventures in owning cats.)
530) "Okay, the patient will call to ... to get this monkey off my back."
(Wow. That patient has mad phone skillz.)
548) "Great. I've got cat hair in my cleavage."
588) "Will you be all right on your own for a sec?"
"Maybe when I'm NOT surrounded by grizzly bears?!"
(And Kimura is introduced to World of Warcraft.)
643) "Yeah, I'd love to look after your pussies ... Oh my God."
(Meow?)
652) "Dude, that cow was on the wrong side of the fence. How'd it get there?"
"... It's Moo-dini!"
660) "Basically, it boils down to, 'Don't give mice to cookies.'"
(Do I even want to know?)
699) "If you get hot dog food on me, I will beat you."
705) "What about kangaroo says 'Super Soldier' to you?"
(Because "their tops are made of rubber [and] the bottoms are made of springs!" Duh!)
714) "I don't want my dog to know more languages than I do."
717) "Well, her tongue is one of ways she experiences the world."
(The dog! We were talking about the dog!)
729) "One of those headless raptors bit me!"
("Right now, people are ignoring the laws of physics.")
750) "I thought you'd be pleased to know I don't drool on your seal."