1) "He’s feeding you a metaphysical marshmallow."
(Describing Tasuki’s actions)
20) "Do not impale the papaya. Do not molest the Jello."
(One person was playing with papaya and sharp objects, two other people were playing with Jello.)
34) "When you kiss someone, you don’t expect them to be fruit-flavored!"
(Well, his girlfriend had been eating an orange candy cane . . .)
43) "I would’ve been screaming much louder if I’d actually been being stabbed to death, by a bread crumb or otherwise!"
(Um, there was a bread crumb in my bed, and well, it hurt. It attacked my foot.)
45) "I don’t want to think of my uterus as a folded flapjack, thank you."
(Ah, roommates discussing psychology.)
58) "Do you want this chicken wing to be shoved up your nose?"
"That's not a chicken wing."
(It was a chicken leg. I wasn't paying attention.)
66) "When in doubt, whip cabbage."
(Ummmm . . . thingy?)
68) "I lost my buns."
(Hot dog buns, that is. Really.)
71) "That's like drinking liquid soda."
(*looks at watch* Oh, it's almost ten. Time for her to go to bed.)
109) "So, are you slurping the same thing up there as you are down there?"
(What's really odd about that quote is that it came up in Philosophy class.)
110) "Tell your coffee his brother is ready."
(Messing up my lines in The Glass Menagerie.)
116) "Great. Beeping bento!"
(Commenting on anime ... or something.)
131) "They have nothing to do but wear funny hats and eat ugly food."
(Umm ... we were talking about rich people at country clubs. There were ladies running around in identical purple dresses with red hats. It was scary.)
133) "Is that a banana in your pocket or do you just want to play with my glass menagerie?"
(I don't know. I really don't. But it was funny. Admit it.)
136) "Have any of you guys ever gotten stuck in a fridge?"
(A total non sequitur said without sarcasm. I don't know! YOU figure it out!)
139) "Potatoes, your first love. I'll always be second."
(*sniffles*)
142) "That was very entertaining, considering it was a soda bottle."
(We were wrestling over it. Don't ask.)
152) "I turned into an egg at the wrong moment."
(I hate it when that happens. Okay, okay, I know you want to know what this is about. It was a video game. Happy now?)
158) "There is nothing sexual about muffins!"
181) "He's mooning my peantus!"
207) "Well, it makes you feel silly after -- yay! They have a Dunkies!"
(Well . . . they did.)
219) "Sorry, I licked your muffin."
(Doesn't that sound perverted?)
222) "What are you going to do with those potatoes?"
"Eat them."
(Damn. And I wanted to knit socks with them.)
237) "Rape tomatoes?!"
(Grape tomatoes. It was really grape tomatoes. I just need my hearing checked.)
241) "They're gonna take that the wrong way -- oh it's a butter knife."
(He was brandishing it threateningly. I guess he was going to butter someone to death.)
255) "If left to his devices, he would just cook a giant chicken, and we'd just gnaw on it for the rest of the day!"
(Speaking about her husband's cooking abilities.)
260) "And you are not a traveling salad bar."
(Well ... she isn't.)
268) (sung)"Shake your muffins! Shake your muffins! Just shake-a shake-a shake-a shake your muffins!"
(You think that's bad? Don't make me go into Sidney's Kidney Song! Just don't!)
272) "Our brother would like yak cheese if a girl told him to."
(Ew.)
290) "You've already taken away my book and left me out of the orgy; you're not getting my apple cider!"
291) "If Legolas is creme brulee, then Captain Jack Sparrow must be Twizzlers."
(Makes sense . . . I think.)
314) "By we, I mean myself and my banana."
325) "Don't come between a woman and her chocolate!"
360) "I entrust you with the safety of these nuts."
414) "Chocolate makes everything better. Except diabetes."
415) "We still have a potato carcass to maul."
(Sounds like an interesting project.)
418) "I can't write porn while I eat muffins."
421) "It's not like land mammal meat stuff!"
"But it's all slimy!"
(We were talking about sushi.)
428) "These potatoes are cursed."
430) "Cup or cone?"
"Yup."
(Blast from the past!)
431) "I chose which color bell pepper to get based on color."
432) "Is the avacado defeating you again?"
"Yeah."
(Well. They're evil.)
437) "Sexy men or not, I'm starving!"
(Some things just take precedence.)
449) "Stop going snap crackle pop! You're Canadian bacon, not cereal!"
(Microwaves can be evil.)
450) "It's firmly set in jello."
453) "I'd like a chicken cannoli."
(The girl behind the counter just kind of blinked.)
475) "I wanna know what the hot dog symbolizes."
"... Inner peace and tranquility."
477) "I don't care if I'm being splattered with metaphysical mashed potatoes."
511) "So where does 'butterknife' stand on the rock paper scissors hierarchy?"
517) "I'm hearty! And robust. Like a soup!"
526) "Sure, I could be a diabetic educator. 'Glue your refrigerator shut!'"
(Or as my hippie professor was fond of saying, "Put down the fork, America!")
529) "What? Do you suck off a lot of celery?"
(.... ew.)
533) "Ha! In defiance, I'll eat your cheese!"
(Anything but that!!)
551) "I need a waffle to go with my pain."
("Homer: Oh Lord! Why do you mock me?
Marge: That's not God. That's a waffle Bart stuck to the ceiling. *pries waffle off ceiling*
Homer: Oh Lord, I know I should not eat thee ... *munches* Mmm ... sacrilicious."
I apologize if I didn't quote that perfectly. ^_^;)
553) "Don't touch me! I wanna cookie!"
(*backs away*)
554) *sighs* "Two days away, and already we've succumbed to temptation."
"Go us."
(They were speaking about an extremely yummy bakery.)
561) "He's a vegetarian."
"I knew it was too good to be true!"
574) "My family's going out for dinner in the morning."
576) "Wah! The fucking cheese platter just got me killed!"
(Video games have been the source for more quotes on this list ... hmm ... maybe I sense
a new category coming?)
577) "I'm going to stab you with my chopsticks."
"Why?"
"Because they're thirsting for blood, okay?!"
(Vampiric chopsticks! Oh no!)
580) "Now the potatoes are overflowing, and it's all both of your faults!"
604) "[She] is becoming one with the cake."
"Actually, the cake is becoming one with my hips."
611) "We can carve pumpkins while we watch Farscape ... or you can fling silverware around. Either way works."
621) "... once you're done pillaging the nuts."
(o.O;;;)
639) “The only way you can pump sugar into your blood faster than downing a pixi stiks is to inject it right into your veins!”
(Well ... how 'bout we don't try that?)
648) "I'm not taking that bowl out of the fridge until I can put it directly in the dishwasher and set it on stun."
(To quote Vash the Stampede, "SCARY!!!!")
649) "You're the serving wench."
*spill*
"You're fired."
("You can't fire me! I'm sleeping with the boss!")
660) "Basically, it boils down to, 'Don't give mice to cookies.'"
(Do I even want to know? As a side note, it disturbs me that I had to put this on both the "Food" and the "Animal" lists. x_x)
663) "We should put on some food and go get clothes."
(That could be interesting.)
667) "Sorry your fridge has turned into the seafood orphanage."
(I don't think I'd adopt from there ...)
668) "Yes, we know you have the alcohol tolerance of a lush."
"And the repeat button of a ... something."
673) "Don't make me make you taste like a leek!"
(Some of the threats we come up with ...)
674) "The program ate my lunch."
"It munched your lunch!"
685) "Are those bullets in that clear plastic magazine?"
"No, they're magic jelly beans."
(... of DEATH!)
689) "Donald Trump used to be a hippie farmer until that alien hairpiece took over his brain and made him into the evil Trumpinator."
"... You just made me choke on cheese."
692) "Remember, we found the desecrated orange?"
"...Do you mean desiccated?"
(*wails* No! Not the orange!)
698) "That was meltier than I was expecting it to be."
706) "He was overly involved in his muffin."
(Is that better or worse than pie?)
708) "Sorry to break up your erotic cheese fantasies."
712) "I wish carrots didn't taste so much like carrot."
(Sorry to say, not everything can taste like chicken.)
723) "I would like to make a complaint ... oooh! Cookies!"
725) "Did they have to go out and hunt the cookie?"
"Hump the cookie?"
"No, hunt the cookie!"
"Oh! I'm not used to hearing 'cookie' after 'hunt'."
"And you are used to hearing it after 'hump'?!"
(What is it with all the erotic food stuff in this update???)
730) "Flan is a dessert, not a towering blob of evil!"
(Says you.)
751) "Did you injure yourself on a box of Triscuits?"
"Yes."