251) "You MUST love him . . . or DIE!!!"
(You will be assimilated.)
252) "I don't even remember who the Cirith Ungol are. Is."
"It's a castle."
"That's why."
253) "Nothing's more dangerous than a short hobbit with a big sword."
"Oh God."
(Indeed.)
254) "It'll be like a party . . . only different."
(He was talking about a massive chart filing project. He's a weirdo.)
255) "If left to his devices, he would just cook a giant chicken, and we'd just gnaw on it for the rest of the day!"
(Speaking about her husband's cooking abilities.)
256) "Sounds like someone was having a little too much fun with sheep that night."
(Yikes.)
257) "I didn't lick anything of Kenshin's. That would be a good image!"
(Mmmm . . . Kenshin)
258) "He's more swishbuckling than swashbuckling."
(Speaking about Johnny Depp's character Jack Sparrow -- sorry, Captain Jack Sparrow -- in Pirates of the Caribbean.)
259) "Even if he is swishbuckling, I'd still like to shiver his timbers."
(Hee.)
260) "And you are not a traveling salad bar."
(Well ... she isn't.)
261) "It was like my big fat Greek recital."
262) "I could listen to him read a phone book, sure, but there are a lot of better things he could be reading. I'd rather listen to him read... oh, say..."
"The Kama Sutra?"
(Sounds good to me.)
263) "Dead people don't have blood pressure."
(Last time I checked . . .)
264) "You're an asshole, and you don't know shit!"
"Well, if I AM an asshole, wouldn't shit be the ONE thing I WOULD know?!"
(Makes sense to me.)
265) "I love a good pun in the afternoon."
266) "Do we have anything else to add to our list, besides zingyness?"
267) "I promise I won't. But I will anyway."
268) (sung)"Shake your muffins! Shake your muffins! Just shake-a shake-a shake-a shake your muffins!"
(You think that's bad? Don't make me go into Sidney's Kidney Song! Just don't!)
269) "Did anyone choosed ... choosed."
(Even English professors have bad days.)
270) "The Bible is not a hammer."
271) "Oh, come on, you know you want to ..." (in a deep dramatic voice) "Come, come to the dark side! We have cookies!"
(Mmmm . . . evil cookies.)
272) "Our brother would like yak cheese if a girl told him to."
(Ew.)
273) "It's like playing ... some sort of shuffley game with people!"
(She couldn't remember the name of Musical Chairs.)
274) "Were you plotting death to my ankles?"
(Yes.)
275) "Umbrellas are useless. Big deal: my hair's dry."
276) "It's ebolea."
(It's a new disease!)
277) "Yeah, we were in 'Nam together."
"Really?"
"No, I'm not old enough to have been in 'Nam."
"Well, I thought you might have been one of those boys with the flute and the flag."
Long pause.
"That was the Revolutionary War!"
278) "You have more important things to do right now than me."
279) "I gotta tie myself up."
280) "The best part is when we kill you for telling us the best part."
281) "You have an ear in your eyelobe."
(Creative anatomy.)
282) "Why is my ass jingling?"
(You don't want me to answer that.)
283) "You know, I don't really want mace all over my apartment. Or any dead bodies, for that matter."
"Spoilsport."
284) "If the apocalypse did come along, I definitely wouldn't be above a little looting."
(Good to know.)
285) "No, sir, you're not a customer; you're a deadbeat."
"You're not actually talking to the customer, are you?!"
"Hell, no, I'm talking to myself. The deadbeat hung up on me."
286) "I'm being attacked by pirates and music books."
(It'd be more fun if it was pirates with music books. *sings* "Fooooor I am the Pirate King!")
287) "Your ear is worshipping Satan."
288) "Why are you dismayed? Because I offered your sister sexual favors or because it involved nonexistent dicks?"
(Way too much information!)
289) "So does that mean we're not gonna have an orgy?"
(Awwwww.)
290) "You've already taken away my book and left me out of the orgy; you're not getting my apple cider!"
291) "If Legolas is creme brulee, then Captain Jack Sparrow must be Twizzlers."
(Makes sense . . . I think.)
292) "Lain makes sense in a totally not-making-sense sort of way."
(Riiiiight.)
293) "Do you really want to get into a catfight over a man who doesn't exist?"
"I've wrestled over an empty soda bottle. Don't go there."
(Me-ow.)
294) "I feel like I just got fucked with my pants on!"
(Ouch. Battle of the full houses!)
295) "Fuck you, and the horse you rode in on!"
"Yeah? Well, fuck you *with* the horse you rode in on!"
(New twist on that phrase.)
296) "Relationships that don't work are ugly and messy. Relationships that do work are ugly and messy. Human interaction is, in general, ugly and messy. Get used to it."
297) "Would you stop that?! I'm tired of hearing that person die!"
(It was a DVD menu ... don't ask.)
298) "You can chew on it if you want, but don't suck on it - that's gross."
(Ew.)
299) "You're annoying the pants out of me."
300) "Hey! Less talking, more whipping!"
(AAAAAAAAAHHH! 300!)