301) "Fear me, for I have scotch tape and scissors!"
"I am appropriately afraid."
302) "And for your punishment - ten minutes with a live octopus in your pants!"
(That's just ... cruel and unusual.)
303) "Do not make a nest in my pants!"
(I'll just take a guess and assume she's talking about her cat. And if she's not, I don't want to know about it.)
304) "Why won't these firelogs catch?"
"Because they have no arms."
(Horrible, horrible, I know. Yet we were all so tired that we actually laughed.)
305) "I will fondle you more after I die."
(*has run off into sunset screaming*)
306) "He sounds like a girl! Thank God!"
(English vs. Japanese voices)
307) "Why do people walk up and put things on my head?"
(Because it's fun! Duh!)
308) "That was a bipedal appendage, not lightning."
(*blinks*)
309) "Don't make me stand on your face."
(I was tired, and it was the best threat I could think of.)
310) "You know, there's just something about tentacles that screams, 'Not food! Not food!'"
(And again, ew.)
311) "I can finger myself in class!"
(She discovered she had a small hole in her pants.)
312) "Florida! We'll get you -- for good."
(How ominous.)
313) "You go into the Norway thing at Epcot, and you come out feeling so proud to be Norwegian. Until you remember that you're not."
(Everything is funny at 10 AM.)
314) "By we, I mean myself and my banana."
315) "No one's a porn supporting player."
(They're always called porn stars, get it?)
316) "Cow cow cow church cow."
(Country roads can be really boring.)
317) "Can we lose our virginity again? Because I think mine's growing back."
318) "Me are the right people."
319) "Weaseling is a power that can be used for good."
(Like the Force?)
320) "You know you're watching too much anime when your notes say, 'all Muslims are expected to make a pilgrimage to mecha once in their lifetime.'"
321) "I'm just not gonna comment on the carrot-shaped thing because oh my God."
(And I won't comment on this.)
322) "Men leching is just men, but women leching, that's revolutionary."
323) "My memory of the exact profanity is a little fuzzy."
324) "It's only incest if her brother's barking up her tree."
(Uh, right.)
325) "Don't come between a woman and her chocolate!"
326) "And they forgot his head."
(Sometimes I should also include notes with quotes, so I'll remember WHAT THE HELL THEY'RE ABOUT!)
327) "What'd he do now?"
"I don't know yet. But I'm sure he's done something!"
328) "I think it's dying. Oh wait, that's just its butt."
(Zoos can be so entertaining.)
329) "I can't properly defend Helm's Deep if you are tickling me, now can I?"
(Video games can be so entertaining.)
330) "Three lost souls are looking for you, and they went to dinner. Your mail is on your bed."
331) "Gone to the movies. In the meantime, kindly do not come over and pillage my stuff and rape my roommate. Do leave a message, though."
(Away messages can be so entertaining.)
332) "Oh man, your cat is a biological weapon!"
333) "Dangling bits just aren't that entertaining unless you're doing something with them."
(Oy.)
334) "I started to say a sentence, and then I had a thing with whatever."
335) "That makes about as much sense as something that makes no sense."
(And the quote list reaches new intellectual heights.)
336) "And something called something I can't pronounce."
(Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious?)
337) "Okay, let me just throw this [concept] out on the table, because I think there's some confusion" Pause. "And I may be adding to it."
338) "In-house and out-hou -- er, out-of-house products."
(Hee.)
339) "You're just too much fun to bother."
(I didn't mean it like that! I meant the "botherbotherbother" thing from Potter Puppet Pals!)
340) "I'll use my fingers as far as I can!"
(Do I even need to comment on the wrongness of this? Oops, too late.)
341) "I'll screw until I can't screw anymore!"
(x_x)
342) "Next time we should go to the fish museum."
(*giggles* He meant aquarium.)
343) "[She's] okay when she's not being not okay."
344) "And somehow, in the middle of the dance, I managed to change sexes."
(Contra dancing. Don't ask.)
345) "Would you guys stop endangering our souls?!"
346) "But why is the porn gone?!"
347) "We like our lives intact. More importantly, we like our anime merchandise intact."
("She needs to straighten out her priorities.")
348) "I'm glad my speech was so thrilling that you were distracted by repeatedly poking each other."
(Bother bother bother bother ...)
349) "And reading porn? Porn is good."
350) "So great. I have the porn but no map."
(Not exactly helpful for navigating the Dealer's room.)