1) "He’s feeding you a metaphysical marshmallow."
(Describing Tasuki’s actions)
2) "The sanctity of slime"
(Spitting on people after you’ve knocked them down.)
3) "He feels all back to front!"
(We have no idea.)
4) "The technicalities of a devolving backrub"
(You know those backrubs that have ulterior motives . . .?)
5) "Who just blobified what?"
(People turn into blobs during the aforementioned backrubs.)
6) "PINKY POKE!"
(Please don’t ask.)
7) "He’s locked in a spiritual back room."
(Describing Dezzy’s predicament in Fate 2)
8) "What are you supposed to do, keep it in your back pocket so you can just whip it out whenever you want to?"
(SOAP! SOAP! Not anything else! It’s about SOAP!)
9) "You're about as subtle as an unsubtle thing."
(A sentence that died halfway through.)
10) "There’s a light up there."
(A blatant statement of the obvious.)
11) "I’ve come to the conclusion that all people are idiots."
(A conclusion about life.)
12) "I’m a gay man trapped inside a woman’s body!"
(One girl’s conclusion about why she can’t get a boyfriend.)
13) "He could save the world just by sitting on his ass and grinning."
(Well, he could . . .)
14) "The paint’s chipping off your funny-looking gourd."
(It was.)
15) "My computer is not gay, okay?!"
(On the fact that her computer is named Jason. The computer is not gay. Jason is.)
16) "He gets the sticks and the fucks all mixed up."
(There was this quote, about a guy doing a stick up, and he got confused, and ... never mind.)
17) "You will not poke, prod, tickle, or otherwise endanger the foot!"
(Strict orders to her co-author.)
18) "Immortalized karaoke poetry!"
(On having a poem on tape submitted to the National Library of Congress.)
19) "I don’t remember how to score!"
(Darts! Really, it was at darts!)
20) "Do not impale the papaya. Do not molest the Jello."
(One person was playing with papaya and sharp objects, two other people were playing with Jello.)
21) "What are you going to do with that, you don’t even have a stick!"
(Umm ... um ... never mind.)
22) "You’re so anti-sex that when you actually have sex with a guy, it won’t have actually happened! When a guy has sex with you, you’ll actually gain your virginity! Again!"
(Why someone can’t get a guy. Again.)
23) "I’m gonna start feeling your clothes."
(Well, she was trying to remember the name of a fabric and she needed reference points.)
25) "But he could use chi chains to tie him up!"
(You know, chi chains, keychains . . . never mind.)
27) "Did you just step on my head?"
(If you thought we meant "don’t ask" last time, this time we really mean don’t ask.)
28) "You flushed my nose down the toilet!"
(Guys can really be a jerks sometimes, huh?)
29) "You just can’t wait to get your hands on that stick!"
(She likes to play pool . . .)
30) "Okay, Jason, time for you to come out. NOT LIKE THAT!"
(A continuation of the gay computer comment . . .)
31) "Are you going to want him for anything or can I have him after dinner?"
(The COMPUTER!)
32) "He was singing in a deep voice he wished he had."
(Paraphrasing someone’s description of himself serenading.)
33) "Isn’t it amazing what I can do in a car?"
(Okay, look. We were driving around in the middle of nowhere. DRIVING!!)
34) "When you kiss someone, you don’t expect them to be fruit-flavored!"
(Well, his girlfriend had been eating an orange candy cane . . .)
35) "This isn’t long enough to be a chapter! It’s a, a . . . A chaplet!"
(It’s only five pages ... we needed an alternate word.)
36) "See, I have no modesty, but people seem to have this problem when I start throwing off my clothes."
(Ummmm ... I don’t feel the need to comment on this.)
37) "What am I supposed to be, some deranged fairy godmother in drag?"
(He was visiting a friend at work, like, well, like a deranged fairy godmother in drag.)
38) "I don’t wanna be a gay reptile!"
(Well. He didn’t.)
39) "Jeremy’s nose is just a slut."
(It was hiding in a girl’s cleavage.)
40) "Your shoelace most certainly did not score!"
(A guy’s shoelace had been in her cleavage. It was a very cleavaged night.)
41) "Well, that wouldn’t happen if you didn’t try to climb up there!
(She was talking to a computerized sheep. Really.)
42) "You’re not pants."
(She was talking to a shirt, which is, quite obviously, not pants.)
43) "I would’ve been screaming much louder if I’d actually been being stabbed to death, by a bread crumb or otherwise!"
(Um, there was a bread crumb in my bed, and well, it hurt. It attacked my foot.)
44) "I don’t think you can rape yourself."
(Well, I don’t think you can. Really.)
45) "I don’t want to think of my uterus as a folded flapjack, thank you."
(Ah, roommates discussing psychology.)
46) "I just don’t see how that’s physically possible, unless you’re an idiot!"
(Repeatedly falling off a table. Then again, he was an idiot. We love him anyway. Sort of.)
47) There used to be a quote here, but the person who said insisted it be taken down even though the quotes are listed anonymously. Draw what conclusions you will.
48) "Say what you want, I'll never believe you."
"Think what you want, you're an idiot."
(The good ones always come when you're tired. And thinking about the Backstreet Boys.)
49) "That's comforting, Captain Obvious."
"No problem, Gunnery Sergeant Sarcastic."
(One of the great comebacks of all time.)
50) "She's my big brother."
(Look, we know it doesn't seem biologically possible, but it is. Really.)