551) "I need a waffle to go with my pain."
("Homer: Oh Lord! Why do you mock me?
Marge: That's not God. That's a waffle Bart stuck to the ceiling. *pries waffle off ceiling*
Homer: Oh Lord, I know I should not eat thee ... *munches* Mmm ... sacrilicious."
I apologize if I didn't quote that perfectly. ^_^;)
552) "Great! We can use them for ... trash."
553) "Don't touch me! I wanna cookie!"
(*backs away*)
554) *sighs* "Two days away, and already we've succumbed to temptation."
"Go us."
(They were speaking about an extremely yummy bakery.)
555) "So, you think you might have injured your hip going after one of my balls?"
(Ping pong. It was ping pong. Really.)
556) "Oh my God, now I can't feel my nipples!"
(The roller coaster shook her to death.)
557) "What a funch of buckin' idiots."
558) "I've been doing nothing but work and you today."
(At least it was a productive day!)
559) "Don't say true things. They're bad."
(Right! Vicious lies it is!)
560) "Spazz spazz! Crunch crunch! ... Oops."
(Klutz.)
561) "He's a vegetarian."
"I knew it was too good to be true!"
562) "You're like a living outtake."
563) "If it does it again, I'll blow it up."
(Okay, look, this was said by the most mild-mannered, sweet little old secretary. The fax machine was vexing her.)
564) "I'm not sure I'm speaking to you."
"Why?"
"I haven't decided yet."
565) "I can't, because I have to be nice to him. But if somebody else does it, I wouldn't tell."
566) "Maybe I should just stick to groping. At least the shrieks are satisfying."
(o.O;)
567) "I'll leave my ass un-kicked, thank you."
568) "I don't understand why anybody would want to run around showing their boxers."
"Actually, they were briefs."
"That's even worse!"
569) "I'm getting Snood-shagged!"
(Oh no!)
570) "Come, [name]! Get inside me!"
(............. The Haunted Mine Ride, okay? And this was NOT me!)
571) "Would you want to die with honor if you were being toyed with by a cat?"
"Yes, but not if I was broccoli."
572) "If you make the doctor feel the need to strangle a cow, we reserve the right to discharge you immediately."
(I like that plan.)
573) "Wow. That plan is just crazy enough to FAIL MISERABLY!"
(... I don't like that plan.)
574) "My family's going out for dinner in the morning."
575) "Is there such a thing as a social migraine?"
"Yeah, I get one all the time. It's called work."
576) "Wah! The fucking cheese platter just got me killed!"
(Video games have been the source for more quotes on this list ... hmm ... maybe I sense
a new category coming?)
577) "I'm going to stab you with my chopsticks."
"Why?"
"Because they're thirsting for blood, okay?!"
(Vampiric chopsticks! Oh no!)
578) "My saliva is retarded."
579) "I am the master of ... thingie."
(*bows* All hail the Master of Thingie!)
580) "Now the potatoes are overflowing, and it's all both of your faults!"
581) "I like exer-mi-cising my powers for evil."
582) "I love you! Satan!"
(When "throwing up the horns" goes wrong.)
583) "I suck at pronunciating things."
(*giggles*)
584) "I don't have arm hair on my stomach."
(... good to know.)
585) "How do you spell that?"
"C-H-R-I -- never mind."
586) "We can't just sit here and look pretty?"
"No."
"We can't just sit here?"
587) "It doesn't bear repeating in mixed company."
"But she's a girl."
"Actually, I was thinking 'mixed' more in terms of people who are and are not you."
"... I hate you."
588) "Will you be all right on your own for a sec?"
"Maybe when I'm NOT surrounded by grizzly bears?!"
(And Kimura is introduced to World of Warcraft.)
589)"You don't seem to understand that you're here to cater to my every whim!"
*THWACK*
"...that wasn't one of my whims."
590) "Ow, my hand! I mean, my foot ..."
(... does somebody need to go back to kindergarten?)
591)"I don't have a good sense of direction."
"You guys are laughing. I'm sensing stories."
"Well ... it’s not so much a story as a running gag."
592) "Whatever that was ... yeah, it was."
593)"It's great when your secret magical power comes with a tutorial function!"
(Woo hoo!)
594) "Why are you trying to undress me?! Go away!"
595) "If brains were dynamite, they couldn't blow their noses."
596) "If he weren't stupid, he'd have no personality at all!"
(Oh dear.)
597) "Isn't that good?"
"Of course it's good. It's great."
"Then why do you sound so depressed?"
"Because everyone else, I want to strangle."
598) "You know, I've got rules about how much I pay people to torture, prod, and stab
my kids."
(Aw, shucks.)
599) "I'd be like, 'Wee! Wee! Wee! BLEH!'"
(Some people make the most interesting sound effects.)
600) "If I let you have my bellybutton, will you stop sucking my brain?"