701) "Don't play with that. You'll break it."
"Why doesn't this work?"
"It's broken."
702) "My inside fell out."
(Aren't you supposed to go to the ER for that?)
703) X-Men describing their powers:
"I can blow things up with my eyes. I can control metal. I'm super healy. I can turn my penis purple!"
(I think someone got the short end of the stick.)
704) "I missed my pants on the way by."
(Well ... then you might want to go back.)
705) "What about kangaroo says 'Super Soldier' to you?"
(Because "their tops are made of rubber [and] the bottoms are made of springs!" Duh!)
706) "He was overly involved in his muffin."
(Is that better or worse than pie?)
707) "How's your Me ... Muh ... Mi ... 'M' disease?"
(We're so articulate.)
708) "Sorry to break up your erotic cheese fantasies."
709) "[Name], you can't just call anarchy whenever it suits your purposes."
(The Law of Seat-Back is absolute.)
710) "It's my first midnight shift. And it just took me three tries to type 'midnight' ... both times."
711) "We've spent a few days apore befart."
(Really. What was that like?)
712) "I wish carrots didn't taste so much like carrot."
(Sorry to say, not everything can taste like chicken.)
713) "Was that [name] again?"
"Yeah."
"We [still] don't have them!"
"Okay. I'll go poke her in the eye with a stick."
(I approve!)
714) "I don't want my dog to know more languages than I do."
715) "And last I checked, I don't breathe from my vagina."
(Well, I hope not!)
716) "I want the gay pirate on my team. He seems creative."
717) "Well, her tongue is one of ways she experiences the world."
(The dog! We were talking about the dog!)
718) "You couldn't have a conversation without praisin' the Lord!"
719) "No dying allowed."
"That ruins my plans for the night."
720) "I just don't want it to look like something died in there last year. .....last week is okay."
(Such exacting standards.)
721) "Just let me know if you see any useful signs, like 'this way to leave Heaven.'"
(That doesn't sound useful ...)
722) "Your penis is hiccuping! Let some air out!"
(This is not quite as wrong as it sounds. They were talking about a penis-mobile.)
723) "I would like to make a complaint ... oooh! Cookies!"
724) "As long as they have four limbs and ten digits, everything is normal."
"Shouldn't they have twenty digits total?"
"Yes."
"Aren't you a health professional?"
"Shut up."
725) "Did they have to go out and hunt the cookie?"
"Hump the cookie?"
"No, hunt the cookie!"
"Oh! I'm not used to hearing 'cookie' after 'hunt'."
"And you are used to hearing it after 'hump'?!"
(What is it with all the erotic food stuff in this update???)
726) "Do I see a [customer] queue of zero? How can that be? Where are the masses?"
"The masses have already come and trampled us into dust! There are no more masses!"
727) "Did you see me yesterday? I looked so smart! I got new glasses!"
"...I was here yesterday."
"Oh, that's right! Not so smart today, am I?"
728) "No, we still haven't solutionized that yet."
(What, precisely, does that involve?)
729) "One of those headless raptors bit me!"
("Right now, people are ignoring the laws of physics.")
730) "Flan is a dessert, not a towering blob of evil!"
(Says you.)
731) (during a board game) "What's the worst kind of criminal there is?"
(reading off answers) "Child molesters ... serial child molesters ... So one of us thinks it's okay to molest a child once?"
732) "Why does the stupid thing always have to come out of my mouth?"
(So this list may have life.)
733) "Even if you didn't mind the ages or the fact that they're brothers, what about a suit of armor says 'sexy' to you?"
(Umm ... shiny?)
734) "What? I'm not making love to a corpse? Where am I?"
(... There's just really nothing I can say to that.)
735) "You talked to her?"
"Yeah, although she was in the form of an undead priest at the time"
(That's ME!)
736) "At that point you could reach, but you wouldn't know what to do with it!"
(Yes. Yes, it is wrong.)
737) "Is this a practical application of our earlier discussion?"
(All) "WHAT?!"
"Not that discussion!"
(What can I say? Our minds are in the gutter.)
738) "Death by porn?"
"That's not a withering death - more of a sticky, gross death."
739)"I'm going to kill her."
"Well, she's passive aggressive."
"If she doesn't shape up soon, I'm going to be aggressive and she's going to wind up passive!"
740) "It's a plow operated by ninjas."
(I ... see.)
741) "So, apparently, I can recognize my own porn."
(Well, I would hope so!)
742) "I have no idea what's going on here."
"Well, at the moment ... porn."
(This is just a smutty update.)
743) "It's all about showing your - GET OUT OF THE POISONED WATER! - love as a daughter."
744) "Today has been a very blarfish weekend. ...And that wouldn't have made sense even if blarfish was a word."
745) "It was $100 for 25 DVDs, so that's $4/DVD, right?"
"Only if you're using math."
(Instead of interpretive dance.)
746) "Just wait until he's 18; you'll be perving along with everyone else."
"Yeah, but I'll feel bad about it."
747) "Now see, you wouldn't see genitalia on American money."
748) "Do you want to send out a group e-mail, or shall I?"
"If I do it I'll either forget, do it wrong, or accidentally attach porn to it. So you go ahead."
749) And now, an IM conversation:
Person A: Ughhhh.....*seeks brains*
Person B: O_o *hug?*
Person A: Someone is groaning and seeking brains and you hug him? Isn't that a good way to end up with someone gnawing on your skull? Not that I don't appreciate the sentiment of course. Just saying. *gnaws on your skull*
750) "I thought you'd be pleased to know I don't drool on your seal."
